What is BDSM? A Dominatrix answers all your questions

BDSM is now thought to be synonymous with Fifty Shades of Grey, but what does BDSM even mean. This acronym, along with S&M, is shrouded in a lot of dark and sexy mystery for some. But it’s not all that complicated. We all kind of know what these things are (kinky sex right? Bondage and all that?) but there’s a little more to the world of BDSM and S&M that goes undiscussed by raunchy movies and Rihanna songs.
In this article I’m going to break down the basics of these acronyms for you! You might ask: What authority does she have on the subject? Well, to answer that question I’m a real-live Dominatrix… so I have plenty authority to spare (wink, wink) especially when it comes to BDSM. Alright, allow me to break down the basics of BDSM for you:
B is for bondage:
Bondage refers to anyway you might be restrained in a sexual scene. Some pretty common tools used for bondage are handcuffs and rope. But the possibilities don’t end there! Doms and subs alike get very creative with restraints. Some people might use zipties, plastic wrap, duct tape, rubber bands, or clothing as a means to bind!
When practicing bondage, you need to be aware of the risks that are associated with being tied up. Make sure that you aren’t cutting off blood flow to any part of a person and if you (as a submissive) start to feel faint or tingly in any of your appendages, use your safe word and have the person tying you up adjust the restraints.
D is for discipline and dominance:
Discipline refers to what goes into training the behavior of a submissive! Discipline ranges from scolding to corporal punishment and everything in-between! Before a scene express what kinds of discipline you’re okay with and what you’re not okay with. For instance, you might be okay with spanking but not being insulted.
Dominance refers to the power exchange that exists between partners engaging in this fetish. Usually there is a clear dominant and submissive in these kinds of sexual scenarios. There are varying levels of dominance depending on how you choose to play and how many people involved.

S is for sadism and submission:
Sadism is when someone gets joy (or in this case sexual pleasure/arousal) from inflicting pain on others. This is something that a lot of people practice in BDSM but isn’t necessary for showing one’s dominance over another.
Submission refers to the submissive position one partner will take in relation to another. The submissive likely considers themselves to be in service to the dominant.
M is for masochism:
Masochism refers to the joy (or in this case sexual pleasure/arousal) from feeling physical pain.
There are also a few other acronyms you need to know if you plan on incorporating BDSM into your sex life. These are SSC and RACK
Safe Sane and Consensual (SSC)
Another important acronym used by the BDSM community is SSC which stands for Safe Sane and Consensual. All things in a BDSM scenario should be safe meaning no unnecessary risks are taken with one’s safety and no one is being careless, sane meaning no one should lose their head while playing, and consensual meaning everything that occurs happens with the informed consent of all parties.
Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK for short)
This is another important acronym which reminds BDSM players to always be aware of the risks they’re taking and make sure everything happens with the consent of the people involved.  And if you’re looking for a new BDSM sex partner, head over to Kinky Sex Dates.

5 Games We All Played at Recess

Growing up, there were few things better than the recess in elementary school, and there were few things worse than a rained-out recess.

Recess always seems to be taken for granted during our childhoods, as they tell us, “You’ll still have recess in middle school, it’s just called P.E.” But little did we know how they were lying to us.

“I don’t remember having to run a mile every week at recess in elementary school? This isn’t fun,” I’d say to my friends. “When do we get to play wallball or 4-square?” But games such as those never happened, and before I even realized it, my recess career was over.

In honor of elementary school recess and all the happy-go-lucky games that we played throughout our K-5 career, here’s a list of the top five games usually played in elementary school:


Heads Up 7 Up

Nothing can ruin your day as an elementary school student quicker than no recess due to a rainy day. But depending on your teacher, this didn’t always have to be the case.

Heads up seven up is a guessing game—more or less—and a great time for any group of kids stuck indoors.



Ah, yes, dodgeball. Oh, how I miss being young and holding grudges all day in class until it was time to unleash them on the playground during dodgeball.

Many elementary schools refer to this game by other names—to make it seem less cynical for the younger-aged group of kids—and alter the rules to make it a tad safer. At my specific elementary school, it was called Nation Ball. Why? I have no idea, but I still pegged the crap out of Zach D. every chance I got.

The great thing about dodgeball is that it is a timeless and ageless game. In both middle school and high school, dodgeball is a common P.E. activity or the focus of an extracurricular, after-hours tournament for fundraising. Hell, even at most colleges it is offered as an intramural sport!



Now if there was one game that could cause me to come in late from recess due to the game not being over, it was tetherball. In elementary school, tetherball was the go-to game for any two kids who had beef and needed to settle it.

The best part about tetherball is how simple it is; a single ball suspended on a rope from an upright post and the first one to make it wrap all the way around wins. One ball, one post, two players, only one winner—these games have been known to take up a full day of both recess and lunch recess, and sometimes even carry into the next day’s recess!



Ah, a classic. No game creates such commonalities between two completely different students on the playground than 4-square. Whether you were merely a third-grader among the big, bad fifth-graders, or a Safety Patrol member among the class president, it didn’t matter as long as you were good at 4-square and could hold your own.

4-sqaure was easily the most popular game at my elementary school and often there would be three separate games taking place at once. While there is often squares already painted on the blacktop, one of the greatest parts about 4-square is you can always draw a new court with chalk. This allowed for multiple games to take place at once so every one got a chance to play and can even lead to a tournament system taking place.



Another classic among the elementary school games, wallball was a true test of character. Were you the type of player to always play it safe and just make sure you hit the wall every time, or were the type of player who would make things happen and dive under a bouncing ball yelling “rainbows” as you barely slid under and totally scraped your knees in the process?

Either way, there could only be one winner and there was no telling whom it would be until it was all over. Most games went semi-quick, allowing everyone to play multiple times within a recess, and the rules were usually established at the beginning so there would be no foul play. Wallball is a classic game that my childhood-self will forever hold very dear to his heart.


Here’s a video about games kids play at recess!